confused

I am a little confused on things.  I like to drink.  This has been mentioned many times on my blog.  But as of late I find it hard to get a buzz.  I wonder am I drinking to much?  Am I not drinking enough?  Last week I downed around 20 beers in one night, in fact in approx 5 hours.  Just to never get that buzz I love so good.  That night I hadnt even eat.  Last night I down 10 beers in 2 hours.  I did eat, but still nothing.  I have no need to drink beer anymore if I am not going to get a buzz.  I just hate to start drinking that clear again.  But I will.  We will see.

Earlier in Dec.....

So busy but yet stale......

This new position comes with a lot more than I use to handle.  Pretty much doing what i was except riding the roads and added all this other stuff to do also.  Meetings every  morning.  check in through out the day.  constant phone calls, other dealers, manufacturers, insurance, sells, advertisement.  I have been more stressed but I see it easing up a little bit.  Things are doing ok.  I need more deals that is for sure.

As far as life, things are great.  I think this will be easy Christmas for us and I think the first of the year will be in good shape also.  We will see.  so close on some things but yet so far away on others.

I just felt like blogging so here it is.

helping hand

We have recently decided to help a family we know in a hard spot.  Things never go as you wish but they are moving forward.  We will see how it turns out.

I took it

I took the new position in my company.  I thought long and hard about the things that would have to happen and decided it is for the best.  The great thing.  The  great thing is after I get all things set in motion I should have more free time to do other things.  I am nervous but I know it is for the best.  We will see how it goes.

The offer

I have been offered a job.  Same employer and same office.  Just a new job.  I do not know if I want to take it.  So much emotion.  I have to decide.

No title

Just decided to type for a minute.  Really have no reason to type.  Just wanted to put something down.  Work what feels like 7 days a week.  Dance 4 nights a week.  This is my schedule.  It does not include the 3 nights a week my wife does dance also.  Parties every other weekend.  Remodeling houses.

non finished post

Irma

Here we go again.  Another Hurricane coming my way.  60 houses.  Yes you heard that right I have 60 houses spread all over the place.  Panic is an understatement.  We will see what happens.  Have several in flood zones also.  It will be what it will be.  Time to get back at it.

Proud daddy moment

there is a young girl with cancer.  My girls had a lemonade stand to raise money for her.  They did it all by there self.  All there idea and they did all the work.  I am so proud.

Lost

I am so fucking lost.  Like I am having a hard time remembering what day it is.  I have a hard time with remembering anything.  I think I have something wrong with me.  I do not know if it is like a mental issue, or a physical issue or a spiritual issue.  I am really struggling with this.  I have had many ups and downs but at this point I am stuck in a fast moving elevator.  Just confused.  I can not even explain in.  My thoughts are now just rambling voices in my head.  Nothing is clear to me.  Everything is a blur.  life is on spin cycle.  and I am stuck in the bottom of the pit.  Or is it the top.  I dont know.  I long for solid thoughts or something to see.  I wish I had a reason to live.  A purpose in this life.  I do not feel I have anything but my family.  And I feel I am unable to take care of them.  Lost Lost Lost Lost Just strolling through.  Wandering around aimlessly looking a target to reach.  A goal to set.  Something with some substance.  A balloon caught in the wind being pushed in every direction with no control over where it lands.  looking out of a window with the curtains drawn.  Unable to see past my eye lids.  Lost wanderer flailing in the darkness of an empty purpose.  No where to go no where to hide.  abused by the elements of whats inside.



-bigger........

Friday

I am just sitting here with plenty to do and absolutly no motivation to do anything.  Hope I get some before I get home.  Things are great though.

Reality

I have had to realize that life will not be the way I want it to be.  At this rate I will never be what I want to be.  Every avenue just closes.  makes me not even want to try.

Finally

I have finally had an accepted offer on a house.  The good thing is it was not a foreclosure so I can sell it quicker. The day of closing I should be there tearing out and cleaning up.  I need to flip this one quick.  I also had my hair cut and beard trimmed yesterday.  after 2 years.  It was nice.

What a damn time......

Wide open is an understatement.  We are opening another store.  That will be 4 stores.  We also have finally found a few foreclosures.  So I have that going on.  We are also building a new deck at home.  (This deck build will take a while.)  I hope we are about to hire another person to help me.  I still mow pecan trees on Friday nights and drink beer.  Dad told me the other day he was looking into a tractor with a cab and heat and air.  I told him there is no one on that farm that would be more happy than me.  But,  we need a tree shaker and harvester first.  There are so many nuts this year.  If they continue and do not get diesesed or have a storm blow them away things will be great.  Just checking in.

typing

I just wanna type and write.  put all my thoughts on paper.  I am tired.  I am once again trying to come off the caffine.  I have gained so much weight and I am so disappointed in myself.  I just dont know what to do.  All I can do is start slow. thats what I am doing.  I am going to stop typing just have lost the want to.

I wanna grow Hemp

Yep they are allowing Hemp growers to get there license now.  I am going to have to start going to the meetings.

Blah

What a week.  Just plumb tired.  But tonight I mow the trees as most of my Friday nights consist of.  And get ready for tomorrow.  Honey do list.  But I do not complain.  She does so much for me.

Peace out blogging world.

Putting on my selling shoes.

I have found a house I want to buy and flip.  I now have to talk my boss into it.  This is twice the money we are use to putting out there on the line.  But the profit margine is twice as large also.  I have done the research and think it is well worth it.  Now to talk him into it.  We will see.  The bad part is he has his mind on other things.  Got to put on my selling shoes.

Hello

Just wanted to say hello.

Whatever

Anyone can say what they want.  But no one really cares.  No one trys to look after me.  Unless it is to complain about what I do not do.  No one cares.  Guess im just having a pitty party.  Just pissed off and lonely

UGH

I am super busy and I just dont want to be at work.  I really would like to be just sitting on my couch watching tv.  I have so much to do.  UGH.  Just not feeling it today.

On the other side I did get that engine out of the suburban yesterday.  I also have the other engine I have broken down.  I look forward to having my Low rider back on the road.  maybe even this year.  we will see how the money and time goes.

who what where

WOW, 13 Reasons why.

2 blots left to pull the engine out of my suburban.  Got the lift and engine stand.  Just a quick check in.  Peace out blogging world.

So Far So Good

I am going to continue my no gambling goal.  The only time I will "gamble"  will be boys nights and at the house.  In both situations $20 is usually all I can loose.  We will see how it goes.  I didnt play last night nor have I bought lottery.  With all this extra money I will be working on my low rider finally after 15 years.  Super excited.

thinking

I think I am going to stop gambling until next March.  Just a thought I have had.  I have played well but have been beat a few times.  Its all a gamble right?  So I may just quit it all together.  Just thinking.  I will update once I make my final decision.

Fuck me running.......

Poker night last night was a huge hit.  Flop comes A, K, 10.  I am holding Q, J.  Nut Straight.  Of course I get my all in called with a pot of around $600.  He shows A, K.  and the bastard hit a K on the river.  UGH!!

Then I had pocket As.  Flop comes 2,3,4  I have high pair and a straight chance.  I get called again.  I push all in.  He is holding 5, 6.  What the fuck.  my initiall raise was suppsoe to run this fool off before the flop.  Oh well another $500 down the drain.

It all fun and games though.

Its my Birthday....

I had an awesome party.  In the shop.  Running water and all LOL.  Cooked a huge pot of beans and sausage and we ate it all.  Just an awesome time.  peace out blogging world.

NICE

Water is running.  Things are looking up.  Now time to clean.  But I am so tired and wore out.  But I shall not stop!

WOW!!!!!

It is amazing the things you can learn sometimes.  It also makes you look at other people in different ways.  This weekend was full of learning new things.  It makes me wonder about people.  About what they have said to me, about what they are doing in life.  I guess I made the right decisions.  I just cant believe these things, but they all came from reliable sources.  Either way its their life not mine.  I just hate it for the ones they are screwing over.  How many times are you suppose to forgive people and allow them to keep stabbing you in the back.  I know the Lord says 70 times 7 or something like that.  It just seems like these people would get a grip on life and decide on which way they want to go in life.  I guess if you are getting your cake and eating it too though you just think its the best thing in life.  I did wrong for a long time in my life and I felt bad about it.  I now am walking the straight path and staying away from any wrong doing.  Sure its an everyday battle but one I want to fight to have this life I have.  Others just do not seem to have a care for those who love them or care for them.  It is just a shame.  All the lies and all the deceit.  Glad I am no longer part of the lying crowd.  Just reminds me to keep close eyes on everything in life.  No one is who they seem.

Running Water

My goal for this weekend is to have running water into the shop.  I have the bathroom all but done.  All I need is to run the water to the toilet.  Not done because I have been digging the trench all week.  But will be done tonight (i hope) And the bathroom will be done.  Minus the toilet but my parents want a new toilet so I am going to reuse there old one.  Still have to put in the septic tank but I will get it done.  The kitchen needs the sink cabinet built.  I have the base built and plan on finishing it tonight and setting it in place so I can measure for the counter tops, cut out for the sink, finish the plumbing there to the outside and then all I will have to do is put in the septic tank.  Oh and wait on the hot water heater to come in.  It should come in next week.  Once I have these items done I can begin to set my other cabinets and place the stove and fridges.  I have them rough placed but do not want to attach them till I know for sure thats where they need to go.  I have this fear of the cabinet being a 1/2 inch off and then everything having to be moved.  Things are moving slow but they are moving.  I have done this whole project myself other than having my dad help hold osb board to the ceiling of the bathroom.  I have framed, sheeted, wired, and plumbed.  Built cabinets and I am about to build counter tops.  It has been a great project to learn and have hands on experience.  Cant wait for the septic install.  Other than all the digging it to should be fun!

YES!

Just found out there is a new game starting.  This is exciting.  The issue is that I really need to be working on the shop.  But I will just have to do what I do and go from there.  Its just exciting.  Back to the groove.  Its funny though.  I say I aint gonna do this or that but lets face it.  I always go right back to the games.  I can never break that habit.  It is the funniest thing to me.  Oh well life goes on.  But working on the shop stops.  We will see.  Just excited.  I will update later.

NO SLEEP

I am being told that I do not sleep.  That I may have restless leg.  BLAH BLAH BLAH.  What ever. Aint no one got time for all that.  I will just keep moving forward till I get this machine or die.  Which ever comes first

Not sure

I do not know if I have mentioned this or not.  My oldest girls has been having a few issues.  Yesterday we got what I call a preliminary diagnosis.  "Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia"  This is all I am going to say about this.

The other thing I am going to mention is this.  I had one female friend that I use to talk to.  I quit talking to her a while back.  Nothing personal nothing was wrong, nothing she did, nothing I did.  I just felt it was best to not have contact with any females.  I felt it was best for my wife and I.  Do not know why this crossed my mind today but it did.  So I was just typing about it.

Hope every one has an awesome weekend.

Even if it kills me!

I am not stopping.  I am so tired.  My oldest girl is sick.  Dont know what it is, what ever it is, it is causing her heart to race.  Its not good.  I am having to pick her up during school and carry her to the Dr.  We finally have an appoitmnet tomorrow.  I hope to get some answers.  Monday night I was out of the house for a sleep study of my own.  yesterday I had my oldest daughter.  I didnt sleep well monday night and I was up at 5:30 this morning.  I am so tired.  But I will not stop.  Things will get better and we all will get rest.  We I say WE will not stop!  Goals!

Bigger Out!

What a day, What a year.

Just on it this year.  I have a goal set and I am working toward it.  Once you discover that the only person that can get you where you want to be is yourself you work harder.  Last year I said I was not going to live throw the eye of the lens.  I think doing that open me up to everything in my peripheral vision.  I trust very few.  In fact my trust lies in 1 person, there are 2 more slowly gaining my trust but at this moment I trust only one.  Life is good at this time.  I will say I have discovered last week that everything can come crushing down around me.  All I can do is pray. So this is my Monday update.  hope all is well.

Today is the Start

Today I start on some new medicine.  I am kinda excited.  Its weight lose medicine.  We will see how it goes.  I will have to say the other medicine change has my dreams all up in the air.  I was in a gun fight the other night with a friends step dad of my daughters.  It was crazy, but just a dream.  I think its the tv I have been watching.  Either way today is the day.  Lets get on this!

how?

How is it people just stop writing?  Just curious.

Its Monday

Just decided to check in.  Its Monday all day long.   I probably shouldnt say this yet because so far its been good.  But we will see.

Life updates:

My daughter has a boyfriend.
My stomach hurts.
Vegas will be a blast
Disney is booked.
I have finger nails.
Bills are being payed off.
I think i will protest the "big game"

2017

This year is going to be a tough one.  So far I have lost my ass in the Casino.  I have had to vehicles with keys locked in them.  (not my fault)  And I have been stopped on 2 houses for diferent reasons.  (Also not my fault)  But I will put my head down and keep moving forward.  I will not be discouraged.  I did have to go up on my blood pressure medicine.  I figured I would have to.  I have a sleep study coming up too.  But I will move forward.  Plans in place.  I hope the blogging world is doing good.  I hope you all have a great year.  I hope the people from my past, future, and present all have a great 2017.

I am going to sign off for now.  Going to do some work.  Later

To or not TO, This is the question

We are finishing up on one of the biggest years in a long while.  Which feels good.  The sales people here are rearranging things including our lobby and the lot itself.  We have been fighting ice the past two days but it hasn't stopped us at all.  I have a chance to go back to the gambling spot but I dont know what to do.  This year is the year of paying off bills.  I paid one off last Friday and have the money to pay another off once I see this person I owe.  It feels so good.  And the way it looks by the end of February I should have a 3rd bill possibly a 4th bill paid off.  So this goes back to going to the gambling spot.  Should I or not.  It will not interfere with my bill paying off because the trip is all paid for including the gambling money.  But what will this do to me with my Vegas trip coming up.  I dont know.  Still want the pigs and chickens but have put everything on hold until I get up on my feet.  I will explain that comment better later.  Hope all is well in the blogging world.  See yall later