Lost

I am so fucking lost.  Like I am having a hard time remembering what day it is.  I have a hard time with remembering anything.  I think I have something wrong with me.  I do not know if it is like a mental issue, or a physical issue or a spiritual issue.  I am really struggling with this.  I have had many ups and downs but at this point I am stuck in a fast moving elevator.  Just confused.  I can not even explain in.  My thoughts are now just rambling voices in my head.  Nothing is clear to me.  Everything is a blur.  life is on spin cycle.  and I am stuck in the bottom of the pit.  Or is it the top.  I dont know.  I long for solid thoughts or something to see.  I wish I had a reason to live.  A purpose in this life.  I do not feel I have anything but my family.  And I feel I am unable to take care of them.  Lost Lost Lost Lost Just strolling through.  Wandering around aimlessly looking a target to reach.  A goal to set.  Something with some substance.  A balloon caught in the wind being pushed in every direction with no control over where it lands.  looking out of a window with the curtains drawn.  Unable to see past my eye lids.  Lost wanderer flailing in the darkness of an empty purpose.  No where to go no where to hide.  abused by the elements of whats inside.



-bigger........