Its been a rough road

I can sit here and say what ever I want to.  But I will keep it simple.  When you hear of how devastated kids are, it changes your out look on things.  Some times we have to sacrifice things we want to do and things we shouldn't do to make sure others are ok.  Im learning to live again as I said yesterday.  Im learning how to deal with people and things in life.  Im learning how to except the way some people are.  Im learning to deal with life.  There are so many things I would like to say but I will keep it simple.  I will say that there seems to be a lot of people who talk.  I will say that when I made a comment about not needing alcohol in my life I was lying to myself and the world.  I have consumed more alcohol in the last 8 months than probably the last 5 years of my life.  I am on medicine to make we more mellow.  I like shooting guns.  Shot quiet a few this weekend including a SKS.  I am still working in that damn shop.  It will take me a year to get it even close to where it needs to be.  I am building a bathroom and a kitchen in there.  It will be a man room i hope.  I will have plenty of storage above the bathroom and the kitchen for my mother.  The other project I am working on is getting a pecan harvestor for the farm.  This is needed so bad.  Over 1500 lbs have been picked up and we are guessing another 2000 lbs left on the ground that have been eatin by animals.  We are getting a few years from having 10,000lbs a year.  We need a screen shaker also.  This is just for picking up the pecans not even the sprayer, shaker and blower we need.  I am thinking about buying a crossbow.  I have a friend that is going to let me shoot theres.  I am excited about it.  Im trying to find alternative things other than poker and beer to do.  I have blown an easy $10,000 on poker.  Just gone, bye.  Oh well I enjoyed every minute of it.  Ive made comments to people that I was truthful about.  I also have no idea how to login... my memory is not that good.  Im going to go home and eat some hawain chicken I put in the crock pot this morning.  I still do most the cooking and kitchen cleaning.  I have my daughter cooking some also.  Im just learngin to live again.  Maybe one day I will be able actually speak to others again and explain it all.  There is a lot going on in this mind.  I just keep moving forward and trying to do what God expects.  Exept drinking, he knows I drink to relive stress and most of the time a drink alone so I am not causing anyone to stumble.  In fact I plan on drinking alone tonight.  maybe working in the shop and singing country music.  Later blogging world