confused

I am a little confused on things.  I like to drink.  This has been mentioned many times on my blog.  But as of late I find it hard to get a buzz.  I wonder am I drinking to much?  Am I not drinking enough?  Last week I downed around 20 beers in one night, in fact in approx 5 hours.  Just to never get that buzz I love so good.  That night I hadnt even eat.  Last night I down 10 beers in 2 hours.  I did eat, but still nothing.  I have no need to drink beer anymore if I am not going to get a buzz.  I just hate to start drinking that clear again.  But I will.  We will see.

Earlier in Dec.....

So busy but yet stale......

This new position comes with a lot more than I use to handle.  Pretty much doing what i was except riding the roads and added all this other stuff to do also.  Meetings every  morning.  check in through out the day.  constant phone calls, other dealers, manufacturers, insurance, sells, advertisement.  I have been more stressed but I see it easing up a little bit.  Things are doing ok.  I need more deals that is for sure.

As far as life, things are great.  I think this will be easy Christmas for us and I think the first of the year will be in good shape also.  We will see.  so close on some things but yet so far away on others.

I just felt like blogging so here it is.

helping hand

We have recently decided to help a family we know in a hard spot.  Things never go as you wish but they are moving forward.  We will see how it turns out.

I took it

I took the new position in my company.  I thought long and hard about the things that would have to happen and decided it is for the best.  The great thing.  The  great thing is after I get all things set in motion I should have more free time to do other things.  I am nervous but I know it is for the best.  We will see how it goes.

The offer

I have been offered a job.  Same employer and same office.  Just a new job.  I do not know if I want to take it.  So much emotion.  I have to decide.

No title

Just decided to type for a minute.  Really have no reason to type.  Just wanted to put something down.  Work what feels like 7 days a week.  Dance 4 nights a week.  This is my schedule.  It does not include the 3 nights a week my wife does dance also.  Parties every other weekend.  Remodeling houses.

non finished post

Irma

Here we go again.  Another Hurricane coming my way.  60 houses.  Yes you heard that right I have 60 houses spread all over the place.  Panic is an understatement.  We will see what happens.  Have several in flood zones also.  It will be what it will be.  Time to get back at it.

Proud daddy moment

there is a young girl with cancer.  My girls had a lemonade stand to raise money for her.  They did it all by there self.  All there idea and they did all the work.  I am so proud.

Lost

I am so fucking lost.  Like I am having a hard time remembering what day it is.  I have a hard time with remembering anything.  I think I have something wrong with me.  I do not know if it is like a mental issue, or a physical issue or a spiritual issue.  I am really struggling with this.  I have had many ups and downs but at this point I am stuck in a fast moving elevator.  Just confused.  I can not even explain in.  My thoughts are now just rambling voices in my head.  Nothing is clear to me.  Everything is a blur.  life is on spin cycle.  and I am stuck in the bottom of the pit.  Or is it the top.  I dont know.  I long for solid thoughts or something to see.  I wish I had a reason to live.  A purpose in this life.  I do not feel I have anything but my family.  And I feel I am unable to take care of them.  Lost Lost Lost Lost Just strolling through.  Wandering around aimlessly looking a target to reach.  A goal to set.  Something with some substance.  A balloon caught in the wind being pushed in every direction with no control over where it lands.  looking out of a window with the curtains drawn.  Unable to see past my eye lids.  Lost wanderer flailing in the darkness of an empty purpose.  No where to go no where to hide.  abused by the elements of whats inside.



-bigger........

Friday

I am just sitting here with plenty to do and absolutly no motivation to do anything.  Hope I get some before I get home.  Things are great though.