The Talk?????

It is no secret to you all that my wife and I have had our problems in the past. I recently posted where I had moved out. This past week I had been keeping the kids at the house and she would stay at her moms. We got into a heated argument about some shoes. It really was a stupid argument but one non the less. She told me that she was going to get a separation agreement drawn up. As bad as it may sound, I felt relieved like we could put this thing to bed and start to move on. But then, she told me she was not doing anything until we had one more chance. With this she found a way to stay back at the house one night while I had the kids. It is partially my fault but I am sick and tired of arguing with her especially while the kids are up and at home. If I had challenged her (even though I wish I would had) I know there would have been an argument. So in the interest of my kids I let it go. Now she thinks we are back to the old ways. I am on the couch and she in the bed with the kids. I intend on telling her that I will have the separation agreement drawn up and one of us has to go. I hate that it is the beginning of the school year and it will be so hard on my kids. I just do not want to go on living like this any more. She is a great mother and has been a good wife. We just have so many different point of views on things and we are at a point where we can not even talk anymore. I don't know. I never thought my life would be like this. I will take any advice from anyone on how to help my kids cope with this. They are my biggest concern. I know every kid wants to have the perfect little family. I also know some people leave relationships to escape it all. I would be perfectly fine with having the kids full time. I know it will work out and I am praying for the best.

Some times we get tied up on things and do not take time to give ourselfs a break. 2 weeks ago I left my house because of a huge argument with my wife. I have only gone back to get cloths and when I had the girls or to do some work around the farm. The blogger family is one that is very open. You are able to be yourself and say things that most people do not know about you. you are also able to get advice from people who may or may not have been in the same position. I have neglected checking in on my blogger friends for a while. even though I really needed a listing ear and you can always find it here. Laroo posted a spot about a fellow blogger friend named Bob. His blog "What about Bob" is one I followed. Im not sure what has happened to him or even if he is ok. all I am asking is if you will keep him in your prayers or thoughts or what ever happy place you use to ask for things. And also laroo if you read this let me know how I can get you my email address.

Paster Chef Bigger

There is a local festival that I cooked in this past weekend. Well......I was entered in to cook and I supplied every thing for the cooking to be done. I set every thing up and then at 1:00 am I left my help to watch the food. He was not real happy that I left him out there all night but hey!! Bigger needs his beauty sleep. I went to my local office and caught some sleep. Which was great because I was able to stay up until they gave out awards. My school cooked 3 hogs and I cooked one. It was a blast. There where about 50 people in my division and we got 16. Not to bad. Some of these boys cook hogs all the time. I just do it for fun or to help out the local benefits. But the fun thing was the skit before hand. We had a pig funeral complete with a coffin grill/cooker a picture show, and I was the preacher. I said the last words for Sir Ham. It was great especially when I heard them announce that we got first place in the showmanship division. So this was my weekend it was a blast. O! My oldest daughter has her 2nd Softball game tonight I will try and blog about it tomorrow. Thinks for the comments I have missed you all.

My First 5K

So I have a co worker who has 2 daughters in a running club at a local health center. A couple weeks ago we where talking about our work outs and I mentioned I had been running some. She said she needed someone to help her run with one of her daughters. I told her I would be glad too. So this morning I met them at the 5k run. The little girls name is Brenda, she is 8 years old. Just as cute as can be. I am proud to say that out of her running club we got first place, and her sister got 2nd. We ran in in 37:42 which was just below my goal of 38 minutes. I left after we got back but her mom said every one was talking about her/us running. I really enjoyed it. To see the look on her face as she crossed the finish line and how proud she was of her self is enough to make anyone support a kid even if it is not your own.

Thank You

So I have 2 blogs I follow. Laroos and Bobs. For close to a year I have read there blogs and ignored mine. I have not even clicked on my blog to see if anyone has posted. I had lost the need to speak. I kinda took myself to a place of solitude. But this past Tuesday night I clicked on to my blog from Laroos blog and read every post I have ever written. There was not many but it carried me back and was good to read. I want to think Laroo for not taking my blog link off of her blog.

Thank You Laroo!!!!!

Even with the girls and my wife I was alone. I still feel that way some. During the past year I have lost 85 lbs. it feels good. I have continued to go to school even though it is kicking my ass. The kids are great. Growing like crazy. The baby is a handful. She has a mind of her own. she will be 3 this year. HOLY COW.

My marriage is on the rocks even more now than ever. We have just drifted apart. It is sad because if we do split we have two wonderful kids that will have to be shared. Every holiday, birthday or and other day. it makes me cry and want to stay but my heart is not in it like it use to be.

Any way so Biggers blog is back up. We will see how ling it last this time.

Great Weekend

Just had a real good weekend. There are wedding bells in the air, over the next year there will be 3 weddings I will have to attend. My sisters, My brother-in-laws, and my cousins. This past weekend was my Brother in laws engagment party.

Weight loss update. I weighed 298.7 on Saturday.

This is BIG I have been fighting with the 300 mark for 3 weeks now and finally have broke through it. This means to date I have lost 61 lbs. Yes if you did the math I weighed 360. I was a fat ass and still am but am doing something about it.

Just for me

SON OF A BITCH

I am pissed. Mother fucking dumb son of a bitch inspectors piss me off. for about 3 months now I have fought this shit and he keeps on with petty shit. dont get me wrong I want it right for the customer but I can not deal with a STUPID asshole. Dont make me look bad just to cover your ass. This is all your fault anyway. you said get an engineer to look at the footers. I can not help that the engineer did not design them the way you thought they should be designed. And also i know you got caught stealing money from your previous job. You aint nothing but a low down thieving son of a bitch mother fucker.

Sounds of a deep breath taken

Okay, Back in the saddle.

Last night was my final project in my advanced skills class for school. Also was the dead line for the menu project and my last exam. The past weekend consisted of a yard sale to get rid of some of our junk. A 30th birthday party and a 50th birthday party. So getting to this day in one piece was not easy. I feel that I have been going non stop for about 2 weeks. But now it is over.

School is going real well. I will be taking a couple online class this summer and going back next fall.

My Nuts are good. Trees are coming out and will be a good season.


As for the depression. I sat down Sunday and got depressed again. But I noticed something. I was watching review of the royal wedding. This was the same thing that was on tv the other day when I got depressed. In fact just sitting here typing about it sends that shiver down my spine. Okay Okay Im a softy but I think about my wife and how we got married on the radio and I feel that I cheaped her out of a nice wedding. Plus I see all the charity work they do and it makes me feel like I should do more. Who knows I reckon Im just a weirdo. But I will do my best to post more. And keep you all updated.

I have been following your blogs even though I have not posted.

Catch up

I just have not been into blogging. I was on the depressed side during and after Christmas. About the 22nd week in January I weighed the most I have ever. So I started a diet. since then I have lost 47 lbs. I feel like I have changed my life. I do not feel that I am on a diet. I feel like this is my new life style. Which is not that bad. But right now Im on the depressed side again. I do not know why I just get down and ill. Why Why Why. Why do I feel this way. Everyhting seem to be fine in my life. It just comes in waves it will go away. hope all of you are doing well.